Well, when I say "Popular demand" I mean 2 people, Sarcastic Kitty (not the alter ego) and My Sister-in-law, Jen's Horde, who actually thought she needed to call the emergency services as to the whereabouts of her favourite Brother-in-law!
So where have I been?
This International Man of mystery has managed the impossible, he has not only single handedly taken a an unkept English country garden lawn and ensured it resembles a lush shag pile carpet, he has proven the old adage that "The grass is always greener on the other side", whilst also developing an amazing tan. He has taken a step in the right direction for the consumer against corporate monopolisation of SKY television, within the British Broadcasting industry, developed a safe, humanitarian mosquito repellent for my family, put an end to starvation, refused Live8 tickets in Edinburgh for the benefit of fellow man and made in roads into International relations and have aided the regions water shortage due to the drought!
Wow, that is impressive even for me!
In laymans terms..............................
this all means the following:
I cut the grass, indeed it is very short now, lowest setting a petrol driven hand pushed model can go. It was so hot that whilst cutting the grass there was no moisture around and immediately afterward the grass turned brown on the tennis court, whilst the lush green carpet of the front lawn, regained all it's splendour.
It was so hot that I managed to get a great tan and am fortunate enough not to have burnt!
We have had a few thunderstorms in this area lately and on Monday night/morning we lost only form of entertainment, our 600 channel satellite system. I called SKY the very next day after I found there was no way of avoiding talking to rest of the family and was told that we may be lucky and get an engineer around by Wednesday week, at this moment, my Wife, realising that I only have so much conversation capable to me, grabbed the phone and had a rather pleasant("£$%^&*) conversation with the supervisor. (I am surprised we still have a contract). By the end of last evening after having played the 3rd game of Monopoly in 2 days, I had to try.....I re-connected all the cables, plugs and switched the system on, to my joy and excitement, we had SKY! Not only did we have SKY downstairs, but the system which had beenobsoletee in our bedroom for 6 months worked too!!
My Family and I have discovered that if we venture into the Garden to enjoy the landscape during the evening, that we have in our midst, the perfect mosquitorepellentt.....IT'S ME! Whilst they were all playing, enjoying swinging and climbing the trees, doing a spot ofarchaeologyy not one mosquito took a nibble of them, me on the other hand, that's a different story, every mosquito in the Northern hemisphere made a bee line to me and I have the lumps to prove it!!!
I managed to fit a truly wonderful experience into the past week to, my weekly visit to the Commissary. Oh how I hate shopping for anything, especially food...."We don't like that, you bought too much of that, why didn't you but more and did you check the expiration dates on everything?"
I really did refuse tickets to Live8 in Edinburgh...Myy wife's work colleague had gotten hold 2 tickets and was unable to attend as she also had tickets to Hyde Park, so gave us 1st refusal, which we duly did! We couldn't get a baby sitter, my wife had no time off work and I have no friends!
On Monday morning and again on Thursday afternoon I made the return trip to Stanstead airport for a friend of ours, who happens to be a Yank and who was attending a conference in Germany, I should become a Diplomat
Water shortages, well let's just say that my idea of becoming the new Bob Geldof and finding a mosquitorepellentt at the same time for me, didn't work and a bath was had today, after which there was much rejoicing!!
We are due to fly to the States in July, so if George needs anything sorted, let him know I am coming!
